Found this, typed it up a few months ago.

10/30/14
So the other day I came to Realization that things happen. Sad things happen that nobody should ever feel. Pathetic things  happen

 What I don't understand is WHY. Why do unfortunate things happen to unfortunate people. Why did you do what you did?  Why did you say the things that you said. Why did you continue to hurt me. This girl that you "Love".

Then I Realized, You did what you did, because its what you have always done. You say what you said because you are a coward who couldn't man up to breakup with me in the first place. You kept hurting me over and over, word with word, I love you by I love you. You made me trust you. I trusted you when you said your mom called, or when you went out with friends, when there was food on the table and I wasn't the one that left it there. YOU took advantage of me, you took advantage of my trust that I gave so easily. Its pathetic what you did, I hate how it made me feel because now I can't look at you the same way as I once did. All I can see is what you did with her, when you should have been doing it with me. What once was our thing, turned into just things to do with people. You made me feel special, I did things I never did with anyone, Betos at 2 am, watching movies on nights end, marathon after Marathon of Eastbound and Down.
WHY. Do I cry over someone who doesn't deserve someone like me?
WHY. Do boys hurt girls the way this boy hurt me.

2/2/15
Today, I came across this. Something I almost forgot about, something that almost broke me down. except it didn't.
Three and a half months ago is when it ended. It ended with court. I wanted things to end with me and him and so I let it go. I let the charges drop and I forgave him but I didn't forget.
Today I am happy  and I'm single.  I don't talk to this guy anymore and I understand all of the unanswered questions that I once had.
I understand who I am and what I deserve. which isn't an abusive boyfriend. NOBODY deserves that.
Every girls deserves flowers and love letters from a guy who they fall madly in love with who happens to  live in Nebraska or Texas, Utah, or California.

Anyway.  Love who you love.

Update: esthetician school

Hey Guys.
Quick update,  I don't know where I left off but here I am typin' away.
So these past few months I've started Esthetician school at NIMA,  Started and stopped working out religiously, ( because of school starting and because of my views on working out) Got out of a... bad relationship and LEARNED from said relationship.I've been a maid of honor to my sister Crystal, who is my role model,  I turned 19 which is almost old. BTW.  I have decided that I want to go to Texas, Vegas, and anywhere my wee heart desires. I have my best friends Chelsie and Bryson who are freakin fantastic, I have my Momma, my Daddy and  my Dog Harley. This part of my life is Great.


 

This is what I do.

Hey Friends! Soo lately as you know, I have been loving the gym. Ive always gone but, I have recently ( saying this openly because recently is  referred to the past lets say 6 months.)  started REALLY  focusing on changing my body and getting the one I always wanted. Don't get me wrong I LOOOOVE the body that I have now, I love it so much that I would be fine just having it stay how it is; BUT... there is always a but, I challenged myself to see just what my body is capable of. I got tired of sitting at home and eating McDonalds and Wendys, I got bored.  So i went and got myself a membership to Planet Fitness after trying out Golds Gym in the winter. The reason I chose PF is simply because of their Moto " No Judgement Zone" I was at the time 117lbs and I could hardly lift a 5 lb dumbbell, every machine I used I had it on the lowest weight and still had trouble, I didn't know what I was doing but I knew I had to start doing something. So I went in got a membership, 20 bucks a month and I can go to any PF I want, tanning ( I really don't use it that often) and all the perks. at the beginning I went for an hour, got in pinterest and looked things up and I started educating myself.  I looked at form, I even Youtubed " How to do a correct squat"  " work outs for beginners"  popped up a lot too, I tried them and They were HARD!!!  but I kept working, kept trying and now  those things don't challenge me. To this Day: I m lifting 12 lb dumbbells, squatting a whopping 40ish lbs and my leg press is about 200 max. on the machines I can range from 15 to 50 lbs depending on what area I'm working. I do 5 sets of 14ish reps of each thing I do.

Here's what my work outs usually look like

Tredmill:  I pick one or two depending on the day

•  (try) to run at least a mile
• 15 incline @ 3.4
• HIIT run 1 min @ 6 walk 2 ( then increase speed until @8.0)

ABS: I cant really explain with names because I don't know them haha

• abs #1
• abs #2
• abs # 3

then this is when I decide what I'm doing this day

Arm day: I do all 5 sets of 16 reps

• pullups( assisted with the 55 weight)
• tricep michine
• dumbbell #1
• dumbbell #2
• dumbbell #3
• Scull crushers
• pully thingies for biceps
• pully thingies  for triceps

Back

• Rows
• Machine #1
• Machine #2
• Pull ups

LEGDAAAAAAYYY: lately I've been doing this 2x a week

• Burpees
• Squats
• summo squats
• pile squats
• lunges
• whatever i see on insta
• legpress
• calf raises
• few machines

So,  This is what I USUALLY do, I like to mix it up, and sometimes i just don't feel like doing all of those things and because I am human, i get tired and in a bad mood. Ladies! ITS OKAY if you fall off the wagon every once in a while, once a week I promise every thing will be ok. Just as long as you pick yourself up and try try try again. Results are NOT going to show up after the first day, not the first week or the first month KEEP GOING!! you will see them before anyone else and then great things will happen, you will get addicted to seeing results and happy!! YOU did it. YOU are THAT bad ass at the gym. CONGRATS.

My play list depends on what im working out and my mood but i just listen to pandora
here are some that get my blood pumped and keep me on track

• Old School rap radio
• Flo Rida Radio
• Miranda Lambert Radio
• 2000s Hip Hop radio
• 80s Cardio ( great Micheal Jackson and Rocky)
• Macklemore and Ryan Lewis
• Hard Rock radio
• Lil wayne radio

WHAT I EAAAT!!! NOM NOM

Breakfast.

• 1/2 oatmeal w honey
• banana
• half a grape fruit
• Eggs
• Hash browns
• Peach

Lunch  I end up eating this twice, once at home then at work. I don't have every thing I pick about 3 of each to have with my meal

• Tomato sandwich on wheat
• turkey wrap w avocado lettuce mayo and mustard
• carrots w hummus
• celery w ranch
• peanut butter
• cheese
• green salad
• bean salad

Dinner

• Chicken w lemon
• Stuffed pepper
• Baked potato
• salad

Guys! I know you may thig my diet is boring, But I spice it up with Tones of flavor. It's easy. Notice how there aren't that  many processed foods?  It's Easy.

BUT WHEN I DO...

• lays chips ( for the salt and i get the small bag)
• sweet iced tea
• Ben and Jerry's phish food
• strawberry ice cream
• Cow boys Grub cookies
• CUPCAKES!!

Hope I didn't bore ya. This is what I LOVE. my next post is going to be on my abs!!  woot woot I found them!

Scales are not Friends!!

     As all the experts say, scales are not our friends. For a perfectly good reason because most people will step on a scale right after a work out and expect results then when the scale shows them the same weight as before  they are discouraged.

 

The reason that I don't like to check the scales is that, like others, I am disappointed.

Even though I'm not looking to lose any weight I get mad because it says the exact same number as it did the month before, I'm trying to get bigger!! I don't think the scale understands. However, guys keep in mind that when you check the scale it wont be 100 percent  accurate and will range about 2 pounds above or below your average weight. Think of the water, food, and toxins you have lingering in your body, so don't get discouraged! You're doin great!

Sometimes you will begin to feel like you are hitting a  plateau mix it up a little. I like to add in ( or take out)  some cardio, Try HIIT  to begin with to begin your workout and it will have you sweating bullets. You can try different machines that you don't normally do. Sometimes when I go with a friend or my sister, they will do other things so I try what they do and it's pretty tricky at first because  I haven't done it before. I found that when I set a goal that requires me to work for it I will work harder. For example, instead of a goal of trying to do x amount of push ups or x amount of pull ups; I will have a goal to do something larger, like a headstand for starters. Then, I sit back and think.... What do I need to do to achieve this goal?

A strong core, and strong arms and practice. I practice daily and a few times a day, I also work out a couple hours a day so as of today I have no problem doing these. My next goal is to be able to do a forearm stand, then a handstand. Lately, I'm loving yoga so my goals are revolving around it.

Now that I know that I can accomplish my goals, and that I'm seeing results, I love the gym and working out and its almost an obsession of mine. Always have a good attitude about it and the workout will kick  some serious butt.

Remember it takes time to see results and for others to see these results.

I promise that it is worth it and it always will be.

 

XXO Leeser.

 

Stay Golden

 

 



Things get better.

Life can be a real downer sometimes ya' know?

Before you start reading, keep in mind that this is started off with a topic but runs into a slight rambly rant toward the end. I believe the second half of this post is the most important part, I had trouble putting it into words but its the honest truth from me.  I also started munching on  chocolate covered espresso beans soo... I got jittery.

  

 anyway... Whether its mentally getting to you from stress from work, school, friends or your one and only.

It's not the time to be stressed out by the small things, it's Summer! This is your Life so live it! Yeah, things happen that are going to suck, they will make you feel as though you are nothing, mean nothing, and can do nothing but this is when you show them that you are AMAZING! You can do anything you put your mind to.

  Lose your job? Maybe that job wasn't meant for you doll, this is your chance  to go out and show yourself who you are, how hard you are willing to work for what you really want. To show everyone else what you can do. go out and be AMAZING!! 

    Maybe you don't have the most friends, maybe your friends really suck. Yeah I said it. maybe you have sucky friends. Nobody should be with anyone, relationship wise or not, that does not help them build themselves higher then where they are now. With that being said, don't only go out looking for those people who will build you up, go out looking for the people that you can build them up too.  

    What if you don't have the money? The world kinda revolves around the stuff these days huh? it sure seems like it to me. It's okay not to be rich, it's okay to not be able to go out every weekend because you can't afford it. your time will come when you will be able to go out and buy the things that you want, and it will be 100% worth every penny, because you will know what it took for you to get it

     Sometimes sad things happen, maybe you may  have lost someone special; your mother, father, sister or brother. maybe someone else a friend or significant other, an aunt or uncle, someone who decided to listen to you when you were at your lowest. They may have been waiting for the day that they return, maybe they had cancer or age was working against them, maybe they were taken from this world from nowhere, they were here one day and gone the next. I believe they are in a better place now. Whether you believe in heaven or hell, an after life, or nothing at all. I believe that it is better then where we are today, with the wars and starvation, the cancers and inequalities, the rich and the poor; the life after this has to be better then where we are today. It has to.

 Except, we are here today, we are alive and well, a house to keep us sheltered, food to keep us fed. Life is worth living and unless its time for us to leave this world, we will and should want to be living because this is the only life we get.

 

Before I forget, this is what I live by, as an eighteen year old who struggled to know who she is, as a girl who went through high school and middle school trying to fit in when it wasn't meant to be, an outcast, an oddball. I want Everyone to know life is beautiful. Life is worth it. You are worth it. It's okay not to fit it, it's okay to be yourself. You cant be anyone else even if you wanted to.  I know that there are people who go through life trying to fit in, trying to make friends. As far all I know its Teenagers, girls and boys who believe so little in themselves that they believe anything that someone will tell them. sometimes its negative, things like your worthless, you're ugly, you're weird, no wonder you don't have friends. Then there are people who don't believe that these tings happen. they just say " There's a reason they don't have friends", " They put this on them selves, if they wanted to they could have friends", "  People don't get bullied anymore."

You know what?  Yes. There is a reason why these kids don't have friends, why? Because every friend that they have gotten turns and disappears. They don't stay around. They arnt loyal as a friend should be.  If they wanted to they could have friends. Yeah, that's true as well, but sometimes its better to be your own friend then having a dozen fake ones. It's like that for me anyway.

  People get bullied. they get bullied every day and they will for the rest of forever, that's the sad truth. They may not be getting slammed in lockers any more but emotionally everyone is getting bullied.

   This is what's wrong. Society is killing our teenagers, media says one things while our minds say another. We must be skinny! we must drink six dollar drinks! We must spend hundreds of dollars on makeup so we can look a certain way. We have to wear clothes from the top stores, the clothes that look so worn but we will pay 50 dollars for a pair or high waisted shorts that look like crap.

 I may be ranting a bit now, this could and should be another post but if you are still with me now thanks.

  Everyone. You are beautiful, you are wonderful, you are enough. You have to tell yourself these things because you need to believe it yourself.  you have to be happy!! believe in yourself! because I believe in every single one of you.

 

Stay lovely.

StayGolden

and

Be AMAZING!!

 

xo Mel.

 

 



Be nice to Everyone.Even when they Don't need it.

Being happy is so much easier when you aren't worried about everyone else. Like I always say you have to make yourself happy before you can make anyone else happy too. 

Recently I've been feeling pretty great about myself because I realized that I can't try to fit in just for people to like me. Because those friend ships wont last; instead, I decided to be myself and to be nice to people. A lot of people have this goal but people tend to focus on people that are like them and not all people all together.  For example if you are an outcast you will try to befriend other outcasts, which is fine but, those people often forget to treat the non-outcast people the same and then they stick up their noses to these people; which just causes a cycle of why there are outcasts to begin with.

   That's where I came up with my strategy; Help those who need it and those who don't. Be there for the people who need it most but don't push the people who are ok away just because they seem not to need your help. This way I don't feel like a hypocrite by helping one person, or judging them and not the other.... idk if that makes sense oh well.

 xxo Leeser

Stay golden.

    
 

A little bit of life. Math.

I feel good.

 I feel way good.

I did my math homework for once and I understood it!

One day I came to class and I didn't have my math done and my teacher called us up to check it; sucky thing is, is that I hadn't done it that night all the way because I just decided to give up and go to bed. So it wasn't finished.

My teacher looked at me and said,

 " Melissa, do you not understand this or do you just not decide to do it?"

And I told him the sad truth. I didn't do it.

Man' I felt stupid. I know how to do this.

So, from then on I'm doing my homework.

Because I know that I can do it.

So next day; I sat down and tried, But I gave up and went to bed.

 Next day, however was different because I went and did homework with my new friend Sara and next thing I know; I did my math homework. EVERY SINGLE PROBLEM.

It felt good.

Point is.
Don't give up.
Get into a zone and put distractions away and give yourself an hour to do homework.
I believe in you.

xxo Leeser